JAMES TAM  谭炳昌

The shower hall is chaotic like the rest of LCK, and severely flooded...being naked without a tattoo makes me feel really naked. Now, where should I put my soap. There isn’t a holder anywhere, not even a chink in the wall. The floor is three inches under water. In the mouth? What if I swallow by accident?

澡堂在另一栋大楼，热闹气氛不逊于羁押中心的其他角落，但水患严重。劈劈啪啪，水声沸腾，有种洪荒水世界的压迫感，怕水的人可能会头晕。 肥皂放哪好呢？墙上没有肥皂盘或类似设备，地台离水面至少五六公分，可以放生金鱼，但不能储物。放口里？吞了怎办？

At Fan Tong, the Common Room, it took just a few minutes for my confidence, self esteem, judgement, and orientation to shatter...... It's a dreamland for people watching though. The perpetual circulation of inmates reminds me of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, a Jack Nicholson Classic.

犯人们鱼贯进入饭堂，似乎都知道自己所属位置。只有我……几位当值阿Sir好像没有察觉到我的窘态，或许察觉到但不予理会，岂有此理！我是犯人，他们是狱卒，世上没有犯人便没有狱卒，我是他们的生计，难道他们就没有责任协助安顿我这个米饭班主？ 监狱饭堂倒是观人阅相的好地方。不断穿梭的犯人令我想起一套旧电影《飞越疯人院》。。。从某角度看，监狱甚至比外面正常。环境所迫，大部分师兄都没有资格模仿现代精英，脱离现实讨活，环境迫他们相对理性务实。

窗外 传来几声清脆啁啾，生气勃勃，比野猫叫春悦耳太多了。鸟儿正在摸黑觅食，预示黎明将至。假如来生做蚯蚓，定要记得懒床，早起的虫儿被鸟啄。 怒眼疲乏不堪，却仍然死不瞑目地盯着眼前的空洞。 有很多理由愤怒，然而经过了一晚上的自我折腾，这些理由更加凌乱琐碎，失去了内容。有内容又如何？都是些反逻辑的垃圾，只能用来证明逻辑失去了地位，也许向来都没有地位…… 如此下去，不消一年便会肝火焚身。将自己判个半死刑，值得吗？ 集中精神深呼吸：鼻孔吸气，悠长细腻，直达小腹，寻肝清火。 其实全身都是负能量，吸到那里都一样，像海上油污要逐点局部清理，急不来。不呼不吸谓之息，经人中呼出的气热辣辣，像欧洲喷火龙。很想熄灭怒火，入睡造梦，逃避到另一个世界，起码另一个处境，什么处境都不打紧，肯定比目前强。 当真？什么处境也比目前强? 想清楚哦！心想事成的话，不要后悔哦！ 稍微冷静客观想象一下，发觉很多人一生中的每一天都比这境况糟糕百倍，千倍，万倍。自怜也得有谱，年近花甲了，还扮巨婴？ 假如生在一个资源丰富武器落后的国家，遇上流年不利的话，走个普通衰运也会家破人亡。孩子们在田野嬉戏

Do they mean to frame and jail innocent people? Don’t think so. They probably think they’re doing the right thing, if they bother to think at all. It’s only a job, a game with simple rules for simple people to play out their assigned roles in a world they don’t understand, but too lazy or afraid to ponder. Forgive them, or turn into ashes before 27 May 2014 — a simple choice.

As I worry about security and safety in HongKong's worst hellhole, more guards show up. Don’t know how many. The silence tells me there are more than one. Unlike the duty officer, their steps are light, purposeful, and ominous. Without a word, the gate is opened. Without a word, they leave. Quietness resumes, punctuated by caterwauling, humans snoring, and the roaring of my internal furnace stoked up afresh by volatile adrenalin and dark energy.

上回说到我取过晚餐后，跟着大队继续前行，复杂不安的心情的背后竟然有些急不急待！扰攘了大半天，终于可以亲自见识「地狱监房」究竟有多恐怖了。。。

Prison is not at all like what I had imagined

当笼车转入狭窄的「蝴蝶谷」时，庞大丑陋的荔枝角收押所赫然出现在狭路尽头。山穷水尽，走投无路，与蝴蝶自由浪漫的形象截然相反。荔枝角大堂与想象中的监房有天壤之别。

The learned judge looks fancy today, donning a yellowish springy peruke, looking like an emoji. The gallery quiets down. Everyone stands.

黑色大卡车在法院地牢停车场的小斜坡上一颠一簸地爬往出口，窗口都封上了铁丝网，如临大敌。地狱囚车的引擎和避震很晦气，每一步都很勉强，像头力不从心的老牛，却苦于未到法定退役年龄。约翰和我手铐相连，同坐一排，我靠窗，他靠中间走道。一位阿Sir给我们各派一个口罩，预警「外面有记者」。。。车场大闸缓缓上升，露出一线阳光。好像很久没有见过阳光一样，感觉陌生。一群人背光而上，照相机贴着窗门的铁网乱拍一通，像鬼魅，更像在粪堆抢食的苍蝇；我和约翰在他们眼中是热辣辣的新鲜粪便。

Flower Lounge is 'prison' in Triad parlance. It's a true story, but a story after all. It focuses on my experience as a prisoner from the moment of conviction to eventual discharge & how I responded to the abrupt transition physically and emotionally. I've also shared selected stories of the inmates and guards, as well as some lighthearted moments. Flower Lounge made me rethink the judiciary traditions from a different angle, and the delusive nature of freedom and justice.

「花厅」是个真实的故事。真实，因为绝大部分的情节、人物、场景，都曾经存在、发生、经历、体验、反思，被详细记录在三本监房日记，但仍然只不过是个故事。     「花厅」写的虽然是亲身经验，有很高的自传成分，却终归只不过是个故事。「真实」的人生只能凭借「故事」来充分表达；只有故事才可以重组碎片，连贯所见、所闻、所思、所感，调节焦距，将模糊的细节清晰，将幻有幻无的「现实」显影定形。反正「真作假时假亦真」，更真实也无非幻觉，如何虚构也离不开现实。       坐牢的滋味并非千篇一律。铁窗背后同样有喜怒哀乐，换了角度看人生看世界，拉开了距离，可能更客观，也可能更觉荒诞。 一般人真的渴望自由吗？一个受财力影响的司法制度可以公平吗？

这是一篇2013年在「过渡」发表的旧博文。这迷离的巧合，启发我对「圣士提反屠杀」做了一些研究，后来写了短篇故事「慰安妇艾莲娜」

Ken finds his old school mates absurdly bizarre, yet ordinary & common at the same time. Is this mass demantia? How may it end?

在一個舊生會聚餐上，一群非常普通的末期中年人，行徑卻各自荒誕，卻毫不突出，都沒有脫離當今的「正常」軌道。「平平無奇的荒誕」是社會新常態。人類失去了培育後代的自然本能。比不上石器時代的原始老祖宗。醫療發達並未帶來健康與心安，反而令眾人精神緊張，寢食不安。世界末日可怕嗎？

「狼语者」的执着阴魂从灵界探究生死，冥想阴间阳界相互依存的微妙关系，向日渐失衡的人类发出警号。穹苍浩瀚，宇宙无尽，人类连恒河一砂都远远说不上，却自以为了不起，是天文级数的巨大错觉。然而渺小并非没有价值。难得的人生为何值得珍惜，应该如何善用，都是「狼语者」做鬼也在思考的重大问题。

A Wolf Whisperer’s stubborn spirit delays its onward reincarnation to muse on the nature of existence from the netherworld - a short story

A street-side bun seller overcharged me a penny and reshaped my worldview. Meanwhile, Beijing has also changed.