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  • James Tam

Giving American Citizenship to 300M Chinese is Win-Win

Xi and Obama should seriously discuss granting American citizenship to three hundred million Chinese. It would be a win-win-win solution to many problems.

The Chinese government, authoritarian and terrible according to Western corporate media and miscellaneous China-collapse Voodooists, has an approval rating approaching 80% from the Chinese people, according to reputable surveys such as PEW. Although an order of magnitude more popular than Democratic congresses hovering at single digit approval, it nonetheless means 300 million Chinese are unhappy with their government. That’s a big headache for the Communist Party (CCP). Furthermore, China being big, diverse, scattered and nervously on guard, CIA finds it difficult to fully develop this vast number of potential colour revolutionaries. A valuable human resource capable of causing great havoc is once again frustrated by CCP policies. It’s time that the international community, namely the USA, finds alternative means to get the most out of these disenfranchised Chinese.

The US currently turns its back on numerous internal issues because of multiple wars of terror. For example, being the world’s richest nation, it’s one of the most indebted, giving the definition of “rich” a cynical twist. Being a nation obsessed with power, it doesn’t even have control over its currency. It has the most missiles and aircraft carriers and so on, but not a mile of high-speed rail. It claims to have an advanced education, but roughly half of its population still believe in the Creationist myth. And being the icon of freedom, it has a quarter of the world’s prison population, with a prisoner per capita ratio seven times that of China, as well as many other unfree societies (link to Authoritarianism with Chinese Characteristics). I’m sure the American government secretly finds this embarrassing.

If the USA gives American citizenship to these 300 million unhappy Chinese, America would instantly look better. Overnight, many of the awful statistics will be reduced by half, a sensational achievement by any measure. Though high speed rail will remain non-existent, car sales will rocket. Chinese love to buy cars.These new Americans will be enthusiastically supportive of their new government, at least until they have learned English, which might take a while. Government approval will rise from single digit to over 50%.

Besides the US Government, its neo-liberal critics will also be proud of the fact that America is no longer a white dominated nation. Ironically, millions of racists will be equally happy to have an abundance of unintelligible Chinks to toy with. And, ha! having taken 300 million Chinese, the US will have every reason not to take a single Syrian refugee from Europe.

Even the blacks will find America safer because trigger-happy cops will be distracted by a few hundred million additional minority targets. On the economic front, re-industrialising America will become infinitely more realistic. Some of these Chinese migrants will be engineers. They know how to build structures that don’t collapse by free-fall from office fire, like World Trade Centre Building 7 on September 11, thereby making America a safer place to be indoor.

The CCP would not object to this mass migration. After the departure of 300 million grumpy ones, the party will enjoy unprecedented support, approaching 100%. They would have earned a permanent place on the Guinness Book of Records. Population pressure would ease up. Price of real estate might stabilise at long last, and the line for high-speed rail tickets during Chinese New Year would be shortened by 20% on average.

The 300 million suppressed Chinese will of course be happier than pig in sludge to be Americans! Their kids will speak English! wear baseball caps under all social circumstances, eat hamburgers rather than rice and noodles. Cool. They can even adopt Christianity to fully enjoy religious freedom, singing ecclesiastical karaoke free of charge on Sundays.

The costs of doubling the US population will be minimal to the country. They have more than enough land and food to cope with the surge. Since medicare is nearly non-existent, the newcomers will be a source of domestic consumers, including medical services, rather than a burden. Mega-malls will be jam-packed with the most ardent shoppers in human history.

The positive social economic impacts are simply too many to list. The US should take initiative to move the much hyped “Chinese Century” to America.

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